Moi Du Jour

Ever wanted to reinvent yourself? Ever wanted to drastically change your hair, your mood, your whole essence? Well, the New Year is coming up, and that's exactly what I'm looking into.

So, leaving school last semester, I left as a hot tempered, high strained, stalkerish acting, attention craving, hormonal teen girl who was into standing in the sidelines obsessing over the littlest things in life while everyone else lived their lives. I know it sounds pretty bad, but it's not as -- ok, it's bad. But apparently, I was fun to be around.

While trying to remain fun to be around, I want to reinvent myself, you know? I want to be a calm, cool, collected, French-speaking, Alice in Wonderland-loving, indie-song writing, cheerleader who happens to do track, too, and has a cute boyfriend. Is that too much to ask? And I haven't been one to keep up with New Year Resolutions, but I have a few. I actually think they'll help me mold myself:

1. Stop Procrastinating. (Which is ALWAYS on my list. but NEVER gets fixed. This year will be different, though.)
2. Be Confident and Bold Again. Say "Hey." when you see a hot guy. (All my confidence went down the drain in seventh grade, but all that is going to change.)
3. Calm Your Temper. (Yeah, I'm very temperamental.)
4. Grow healthier, better relationships. (with loved ones and unloved ones. :))
5. Read the Bible daily. (Yes. I'm inspired to do greater things towards my religion.)
6. Get things off your chest more. (That's probably why I'm so temperamental! I need to share with others how I feel so I won't go crazy. I mean, that's very unhealthy.)
7. Relax! (My mind is constantly on over-drive. I have no idea of how to relax. I'll learn, though.)
8. Cool the obessions! (We all know I'm prone to them. They take too much work and time, -but this might not happen-.)

See? I believe in myself. I think I'll be there in no time. Isn't that a wonder?

Trouble with Eros Love? C'est la Vie.

I just finished reading a post on one of my friends' blog. Unfortunately, she is very sad at the fact that she's having trouble with Eros love.



Her post, "*SIGH*", taught me that there's four types of love. I wanted to do a little research, and I found more information on it. I didn't want to include Storge Love, because that one didn't seem to fit everything else I researched. You should look it up, though. It's always best to use more than one source.

1. Agape (pronounced a-GAH-pay): the ultimate, paternal, unconditional love, such as God's love for mankind. It is pure, innocent, and everlasting. It is said that Platonic Love leads up to Agape. "Platonic love is love from the neck up." --Thyra Smater Winsolow.


2. Philia: love that exists between close friends and siblings, such as Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love


3. Eros: the love you have for your spouse. It includes sexual desire.

For her, nine times out of ten, she prefers a boy outside her race. (As for me, I'm more of a 6 out of ten. Yes, I am Black, and dear Tanner James is White.) And that is fine. Our family and friends have accepted that, and if they haven't, they are being quiet about it. Also, if they weren't, it wouldn't make a difference. We'll be attracted to who we're attracted to. Fortunately, she realizes that she has plenty of Philia and Agape love, but she wants Eros love. I told her that it's going to be difficult for us to get into a relationship with a white guy. I've accepted that, but I can't say the same for dear her. It saddens me every time to think of HER being sad and stuff. It hurts me really bad. So, for everyone out there who is getting headaches, growing worrisome, or becoming quite depressed my your crush or significant other, I am sorry. Very, very sorry, but C'est la Vie (French for "This is Life.") You aren't alone. Talk to those people who show their Agape and Philia Love for you.

Speaking of guys, my Gran, my mom, and I were in Hobby Lobby. Our cashier, this really cute guy with blonde hair and stubble on his chin, had a flower in his front pocket. He was rocking a flannel shirt, skinny jeans, and the apron that the employees wore. So, it took a great deal of my courage to compliment him and his flower. The way he said thanks led me to believe he wasn't truly thankful, but it was fine with me. It wasn't like I'd see him again. So, I looked him up and down, and licked my lips because I was afraid they were chapping. He witnessed such when he looked back up to tell me that his girlfriend gave it to him. He continues with a story about how his old one wilted up, and so she bought him a replacement. That cut me. I mean, why did I have to know he had a girlfriend?

And then just thirty minutes ago, I was here about to burst out of my skin. There was this guy, Conrad, that I used to know in seventh grade. He's really hot and really ripped. I adored him. I talked about him everyday, and I journaled about him everyday. That's when my friends should have known that I was prone to obsessions. A couple of days ago, I found him on Facebook. I added him and we were just chatting, which made my smile ginormous. We talked about what schools we go to now and everything was just peachy. We aren't talking anymore, because he had to go. But wow... <3.>

Also thirty minutes ago, I was talking to this junior, John**. I don't like him or anything, but I know a lot of people who thinks he's really hot. It's actually really pathetic to see the girls all over him. I'm not going to lie. There were a couple of days that I spent a class peroiod talking to him and his friend, but that isn't because I like him. I was bored with everyone else, and everyone likes something fresh and new. Since I didn't want anyone getting ideas, I would leave and go talk to my other friends or something. He's attractive and stuff, sure; but I'm too broken right now when it comes to boys.

There was a guy, Paul**, who is actually John's younger brother, that I liked a lot since seventh grade. He doesn't know this, but in the first week of school this year, he broke my heart. Bad. And ever since then, my love life has been a wreck. I don't like Paul now, because I'm too attracted to Tanner, but that kind of hurt me to the point where I can't healthily like a guy. I mean think about it. Remember when I mentioned my obsession with dear Conrad? Same thing applies here for Tanner.

Like I said, "C'est la Vie."

Isn't that a wonder?

*To check out Kennedy's Blog: http://kennedyscloset.blogspot.com/

Other sources: http://www.iep.utm.edu/love/#SH2a, http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=1006022711082

Finals. Dovey Earrings. and Holiday Parties.

Hi, guys! Sorry. I've been studying major hard for the finals I've recently finished. Please forgive me.


I hope everyone is having a great holiday season so far! For all who celebrate, Christmas is in one week! :) Today was the last day of the semester for me and my friends, and I'm so happy to be relieved of all of my educational duties for two weeks. Anyway, I bought my friends gifts such as Oreos or earrings (even one person received Ferrero Rocher chocolate truffles). It was fun receiving gifts myself. Kennedy, a bff, gave me these really cool-looking gold earrings with doves, peace symbols, and hearts. I know it sounds like way too much for an earring, but trust me, they are wonderful!



Last night, my grandmothers apartment had a Grand Opening/Holiday Extravaganza. I should have been studying, but instead, I went. Me and Gran were there for ten minutes before the party was over. Yes, shamelessly, we were late, but in a fashionable way. :) At first, I wasn't really feeling my attire. I looked like I was going to a funeral. But with a few lovely accessories, I was able to change up my mood. After the party was over, guest were still hanging out, and my grandmother started talking to Mr. Joseph Gargery. (That really isn't his name. If you've read "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens, you'll know that Joe is a character. I only call our Joe that because I don't know his real last name, and I was reading the book while I met him.) That left me standing there awkwardly while Mr. Joseph Gargery flirted and stared openly at my Gran. I walked away with the excuse of "going to look at the tree", where I went to take pictures. Speaking of which, I actually took the picture of the ornament you see above. I'm thinking about joining Photo next year. While taking pics, I noticed a huge chocolate fountain. I just so happened to notice it at the time that the lady was dipping a strawberry, cheesecake, and brownie into it. Now, I'm not a big fan of chocolate, but I am of that! yumm. (: the lady let me take a tub of choclate home which is now sitting in my frigde...


'Tis all for now. Since I'm on break, I'll definetly post more that three times a week for the next two weeks. Isn't that a wonder?

Gedichte. Smiles. and Art Shows.

I take German for my language class. I've been taking it since fourth grade because it's required for the school that I went to. Why my classmates and I didn't take Spanish is still a mystery to me. Since Spanish is the second leading language in the United States, it would have made so much more sense for us to have taken Spanish. When will I go to Germany and try to have a conversation? But let's get off of that note.

In German class today, we read a Gedichte (poem) about a man who knew two women. One was insecure about herself and asked questions such as, "Are my eyes beautiful?" and "Am I the best dancer?" This went on, and the poet answered each question with, "Yes." Until she asked the very forward question, "Do you love me?". He didn't answer. The second lady, was completely different, and asked him questions such as, "Did you hear from your family?" When he answered "no", she became sad. She became happy when he told her that he wasn't lonely. The last line is, "She didn't ask if I loved her." Basically implying that he loved her.**

The thing about this poem, I'm afraid that I would be the first lady! I am a very insecure person, and in class, our German teacher, Frau Kelly, was explaining to us how that wasn't attractive at all. Which of course, only made my self esteem lower! And I sit next to this really hot guy, Travis***, and we're pals. We shared a book today in class, so we were really close. Every time I even thought about shifting closer, this wave came over me, and it was amazing! The only thing: I don't like him. "/ Yeah, I'm extremely attracted to his looks, and he's extremely friendly, but I have my eyes on a bigger prize.

Which brings us to another topic. Tanner James***. He is the most beautiful guy I think I've seen. EVER. (I hope my readers realize there's a difference between "beautiful" and "hot".) Today, he was walking around the cafeteria with a jar for the Malachi fund. When I tried to donate my dollar (unnoticed), it wouldn't fit! It wasn't folded enough times, so I had to set my things down, fold the dollar a couple more times, and force the dollar down. This whole time, my friend, Jazmin, asked how tall he was (6'4"). As we walked away, I turned around to get a final look at him, and he was SMILING at me! It was amazing! Almost as awesome as the very first smile he gave me, which (I must add) was so beautiful, that I shook with happiness and began to cry! (Not in his face, of course. Much too smooth for that.) This time I began to shake, and I teared up, and it was just amazing. ")

Tanner is an artsy guy. He's in Photography, and tonight there's an art show at my school. I really wish I was able to go. I'm pretty sure his art is going to be sold there. The only thing that's stopping me is stupid transportation issues. Sometimes I wish that I could walk everywhere. That everywhere I go was in walking distance. But as for now, it's OK. There will be other chances for me to hang out with him, right? I think that's just how you have to look at life. If one thing doesn't go your way, it's OK to be mad at the world when you first get bad news. That's exactly how I was. I stopped talking to my mom, my breath caught, and I couldn't understand why she didn't have sympathy for me. But after a while, you have to get over it. Her word was final, and I had to deal with it. Plus, it isn't like I had the cash to buy his art. I went holiday shopping this weekend. :) Isn't that a wonder?

**I translated all lines from the poem into English. Since it was German class, the story was in German.

*** Name change.

Alice. Me. Her Land. My Land.

Did you have a childhood obsession? Are you currently holding on to your Little Mermaid dolly, your first teddy bear, or (on the unoriginal side of things) you blue blankie?

In my case, that isn't the case. Two years ago, when I was in seventh grade, my school put on the Alice in Wonderland play. I was happy to get the part of the Mock Turtle. I had my very own scene in which I told my own story. I punched the line about the Tortoise well and received laughs. I made a new dance number and sang the song. The dance was such a big deal, other people wanted to join in and dance! The experience was really fun. I was able to practice after-school and work on my lines, I was able to get helpful constructive criticism, and I was able to make my own costume! This changed my outlook of the story. I began to truly cherish the Caterpillar, the Mad Hatter, the Knight, and even the Cheshire Cat. The story of the girl who went on a journey in a magical, mad world truly held interest to me.

Yesterday night, I watched Nick Willings' two night version, Alice, on SyFy. I enjoyed the changes that were made. Alice dad's was involved, the Mad Hatter was really hot, and it was set in a city? These changes were good as far as a remake was involved. (I'm glad the original story wasn't such, though.)

My life is a wonderland, too. At least, that's how I like to compare it. There are incidents worth telling, mind boggling moments, magic, and always a mad scandal going on. In this blog, you will read how my life holds wonders. Enjoy! Isn't that a wonder?